Egyptian Creation Myth

In the very beginning, there was only chaos, a churning, bubbling water that can burn through your throat in an instant called Nun. And it was out of Nun that everything began. Out of chaos the sun god Ra rose, as he cracked the egg that appeared on the surface of the water. He created a place to stand on, and laid a foundation of Egypt.
Because he wanted to reproduce and have a multitude of living creatures, he formed a physical union with his own fist. He masturbated with his own hand (eww how weird is that?), and ejaculated the seed into his own mouth. Whoosh! The air god Shu was exhaled out of his strangely wide mouth, and Tefnut the goddess of moisture, his wife, was spat out gently.
Ra danced around with joy, carefree and lighthearted. He soon became so happy that he sobbed and sobbed in joy, and out of these tears came us, the human beings whose purpose is to entertain him. But men played about, sticking their tongues out at the gods and flailing about o much that Ra and a council of gods decided that they should be ANNIHILATED.
In order for men to be ANNIHILATED, Ra created Sekhmet to do the ANNIHILATION. She was very capable and ANNIHILATED all but a few humans, when Ra felt sorry for those poor humans, changed his mind, and tricked her into stopping.
Afterwards, Shu and Tefnut gave birth to the Earth god Ged and the Sky god Nut. They fell in love, and married, against Ra’s heated orders. Ra exploded when he heard of their _________ and ordered Shu to separate them. Unfortunately, Nut was already pregnant. Thus, Ra declared that she could not give birth in any month of any year.
Thoth, the god of learning, decided to help them and gambled with the moon for extra sunlight.
“Oh moon, oh moon, please go away so that we could have more sunlight!” he begged.
The result was adding 5 days to the 360-day calendar. On those 5 days, Nut pushed and pushed to give birth to Osiris, Seth, Isis, and Nephthys (quadruplets) successfully.
Osiris became the symbol of good, Seth became the symbol of evil, and Isis and Nephtys became their wives. Osiris and Isis had a son named Horus, who later defeated Seth in a great battle and became king of the earth, or the Pharaoh in other words.